Is there something in your life that has become unmanageable or overwhelming?
Has your balance shifted?
What do you need to let go of in order to feel at peace?
Split is an interesting city. It is famous for its impressive Diocletian's Palace, built along the half-moon-shaped harbor on Croatia’s gorgeous Dalmatian Coast.
In 305 CE Diocletian ordered his retirement home/palace to be built on this land, by 11,000 slaves.
Diocletian is known for being the Roman Emperor who split up or divided the extensive Roman Empire into two parts, selecting another leader to take the Western half in order to make it more manageable.
The symbol of the Ancient Roman Empire became the eagle, also a symbol of wisdom and ingenuity, and when Diocletian split the empire, the eagle symbol also halved into a two-headed creature. The Eagle of the Western Empire had its head facing west and the Eagle of the Eastern Empire faced East.
I’m not implying that we try to become like Diocletian (as he had a lot of weaknesses in his character as well), but there is something important to understand in this concept of splitting up or dividing when a problem or our relationship becomes too overwhelming and unbalanced.
3 Ways to Let Go and Split Up or Divide from your Suffering:
1) Become Aware that You are Attached to Something that is Causing Suffering.
What are you attached to?
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that is only causing suffering? Why are you suffering?
In Yoga philosophy, the 1st Petal, Yama, is about our relationships with others.
Aparigraha is the 5th Yama. “A” means “non”, the word "graha" also means to take, to seize, or to grab, and 'pari" means "on all sides."
Parigrah can also mean “to crave.”
Therefore, Aparigraha means to not grab a hold from all sides, referring to non-possessiveness and non-attachment.
It’s about celebrating what is ours and reminding us to reach for the stars rather than grasping for someone else’s.
I know this sounds silly, but how many of you have heard of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)?
Here’s a current situation that we may have all experienced:
How many of you have ever gotten jealous by something that we saw on Facebook? Maybe you simply saw a photo (a captured brief second in time) and made assumptions or stories about what that photo represented. I have to admit that I have done this before. I’ve suffered because I created a feeling of jealous discontent, “That person shouldn’t be having fun without me. Why wasn’t I invited?” Maybe we felt a sense of possessiveness over our friends or significant others.
In this type of situation, again, its important to consider the facts without making up a story around it.
"Greatness is when you can come in with one story and leave with a different one." -Esther Perel
Can I possess a soul that isn’t my own?
Aparigraha includes the psychological state of "letting go and the releasing of control and living a content life unfettered by anxieties.
It implies understanding that impermanence and change are the only constants.
Are you aware that your craving is causing suffering?
Instead of focusing on what's missing, focus on everything that you do have: sunshine, breath, body, and all of the other necessities.
"He who is attached to things will suffer much". Do I suffer in my romantic relationship because I’m too attached to expectations, the ideal, or the excitement in the beginning? Am I realistic about the now and our ever-changing lives? Do my partner and I have the space to be ourselves, without feeling trapped, controlled, and bored?
By releasing what is no longer useful, we open ourselves to fresh ideas, new relationships, and more harmonious ways of living and being.
The virtue of aparigraha means taking what is truly necessary and no more.
According to Paulo Coelho in The Zahir, he discusses the use of The Favor Bank in relationships between people. Some people take more than they put in. Others keep giving to the point that they lose themselves. This causes an imbalance for both parts.
2) Split Apart from this Clingin and Suffering (Divide)
Freedom is not the absence of commitments but the ability to choose what is best for me.
In any relationship between two people, its necessary to give room for separateness. Two individuals trying to come together as one can feel the most balanced when they both have equal time together and apart. Don't try to make your partner into your everything. Embracing our friends and time alone are here to help us fill in the gaps.
If you want to stay in a relationship that has become overwhelming, work on finding the balance between nurturing and excitement with your partner, leaving plenty of room to reflect and meet your own needs.
I found that while I love traveling alone, I also love traveling with a partner. It has been so rewarding for me to divide my trips into half the time alone, and half together.
Why is it healthy to let go?
There is power in your thoughts, “It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” ~ Anthony Robbins
“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ~ M. Kathleen Casey
Some of us cling to our pain as an excuse for inactivity. We cling because we think of ourselves as a martyr, tragic and unlovable.
"Strength and growth come only through continuous effort (Napoleon Hill)." In this case, it's the effort to stay positive and open minded.
If you really love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours, if not it wasn’t meant to be.
Survival of the relationship depends on the couple's flexibility and openness to change.
Every relationship is a system. And when one part in a system changes, the other parts must also change to maintain equilibrium.
Acknowledge to your partner that you are asking for a break in your formal pattern. Recognize the need for a period of transition.
Esther Perel states that she has had three marriages with the same man, as the two individuals change, experience life events, and grow, so must the relationship.
We all have the potential to grow. Change is inevitable. This does not mean that we have to disappear out of each other’s lives forever.
However, if one partner is not willing to grow; then, sometimes it's time to choose to say goodbye.
Let go of painful memories from your past. Free yourself by offering forgiveness to those who have hurt you and to yourself.
“Just because a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean it’s not worth having.” ~ Sarah Mlynowski
“Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over.” ~ Guy Finley
“I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.” ~ Carl Sagan
3) Restoring Balance Back to Love
“Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.” ~ Paulo Coelho
When I’m missing someone, I’m craving the past. Yes, there were some very nice memories in the past. They remind me that you are a beautiful person and you have a lot of potential as well.
Remove obstacles in your mind. I don’t need to dwell on this thought of craving, but instead notice it and let it pass, moving on to positive thoughts in the now and hopeful thoughts for the future.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ~ Joseph Campbell
What does this mean for my future?
What are my special and unique ways of giving?
Be generous. Expand your capacity to stretch yourself.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” ~ Marilyn Monroe
What inspires me?
A contented [person] is rarely disappointed. “Be in love with your life. Every minute of it.” ~ Jack Kerouac
Lately I've been repeating this Mantra of love: "I am content, hopeful, and loving." I've been trying to cultivate the concept of unconditional love and understanding for people that I come in contact with. This practice has had a huge affect on my daily life lately.
“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.” ~ Barney Stinson
Be Positive. When we cling to negative thoughts, emotions, or memories, we spiral into destructive habit patterns. By replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, and by remembering your mantra, you create a harmonious space for yourself and others.
I can still care about someone, wish them well and be open to our paths crossing in a new way of the future, as we learn and grow.
When both halves become restored, they can fit back together to form a whole.
In yoga, we think about the concept of oneness, non-duality. Yin and Yang work together: right and left, top and bottom, front and back, inhale and exhale; they must remain balanced.
Splits in Split, Croatia